Never make excuses. Your friends don’t need them and your foes won’t believe them. ―John Wooden
We all fall into the trap at one point or the other blaming, complaining, and making excuses. Most times we are not even aware we are doing it, we say we are venting, sharing our frustrations, “a problem shared is a problem halved“. Most of the times, the people we are complaining to can not really do anything about our problems but we still share it with them, guess at times it feels good but most times after sharing the problem with them, it either gets worst with their ill given advice or you still don’t have the solution.
Most of the time, we do complain about the things we can change such as a toxic work environment, a bad relationship, money problems, to people who can not really do anything about it. We hardly complain about for example gravity because we have accepted it: whatever goes up must come down. Life happens to all of us but the only way to change any situation is to DO something about it: Fix It, Solve it. Where Energy goes attention goes, what you focus on expands.
Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them. – Lou Holtz Jr.
Author Will Bowen. in his book, A Complaint Free World, shares the following story:
There is an old story of two construction workers sitting down to eat lunch together. The first worker opens his lunch box and complains, “Yech! A meatloaf sandwich.… I hate meatloaf sandwiches.” His friend says nothing. The following day, the two meet up again for lunch. Again the first man opens his lunch box, looks inside, and, this time more agitated, says, “Another meatloaf sandwich?
I hate meat loaf sandwiches!” As before, his colleague remains silent. The third day, the two men gather for lunch, and the first construction worker opens his lunch box and stomps about and shouts, “I’ve had it! Day in and day out, it’s the same thing! Meat loaf sandwiches every blessed day! I want something else!
His friend asks, “Why don’t you just ask your wife to make you something else?”
With true bewilderment on his face, the first worker replies, “I make my own lunch.”
You, me, and everyone else—we all make our own lunch. We create our lives with our thoughts, and our words broadcast what we are thinking.
A complaint is an energetic statement that focuses on the problem at hand rather than the resolution sought.
American Author Steve Pressfield, in the War of Art, noted that the professional accepts no excuses:
The amateur, underestimating Resistance’s cunning, permits the flu to keep him from his chapters; he believes the serpent’s voice in his head that says mailing off that manuscript is more important than doing the day’s work.
The professional has learned better. He respects Resistance. He knows if he caves in today, no matter how plausible the pretext, he’ll be twice as likely to cave in tomorrow. The professional knows that Resistance is like a telemarketer; if you so much as say hello, you’re finished. The pro doesn’t even pick up the phone. He stays at work.
The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it. – LOU HOLTZ
In his book, The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, Author Jack Canfield advised stop complaining/blaming:
In order to complain about something or someone, you have to believe that something better exists. You have to have a reference point of something you prefer that you are not willing to take responsibility for you are not willing to take responsibility for creating.
If you didn’t believe there was something better possible—more money, a bigger house, a more fulfilling job, more fun, a more loving partner—you couldn’t complain. So you have this image of something better and you know you would prefer it, but you are unwilling to take the risks required to create it. Complaining is an ineffective response to an event that does not produce a better outcome.
Never Explain, Never Complain. Those that need it don’t matter, Those that matter don’t need it.
People only complain about things they can do something about.
We don’t complain about the things we have no power over. Have you ever heard anyone complain about gravity? No, never.
The circumstances you complain about are all situations you can change—but you have chosen not to. You can get a better job, find a more loving partner, make more money, move to where the jobs are, live in a nicer house, and eat healthier food. But all of these things would require you to change.
But why don’t you simply do those things? It’s because they involve risks. You run the risk of being unemployed, left alone, or ridiculed and judged by others. You run the risk of failure, confrontation, or being wrong. You run the risk of your mother, your neighbors, or your spouse disapproving of you. Making a change might take effort, money, and time. It might be uncomfortable, difficult, or confusing. And so, to avoid risking any of those uncomfortable feelings and experiences, you stay put and complain about it.
Either accept that you are making the choice to stay where you are, take responsibility for your choice, and stop complaining . . . or . . . take the risk of doing something new and different to create your life exactly the way you want it.
YOU’RE COMPLAINING TO THE WRONG PERSON
Have you ever noticed that people almost always complain to the wrong person—to someone who can’t do anything about their complaint? They go to work and complain about their spouse; then they come home and complain to their spouse about the people at work. Why? Because it’s easier; it’s less risky. It takes courage to tell your spouse that you are not happy with the way things are at home. It takes courage to ask for a behavioral change. It also takes courage to ask your boss to plan better so that you don’t end up working every weekend. But only your boss can do anything about that. Your spouse can’t.
Learn to replace complaining with making requests and taking action that will achieve your desired outcomes. That is what successful people do. That is what works.
If you find yourself in a situation you don’t like, either work to make it better or leave. Do something to change it or get the heck out. Agree to work on the relationship or get a divorce. Work to improve working conditions or find a new job. Either way, you will get a change.
As the old adage says, Don’t just sit there (and complain), do something. And remember, it’s up to you to make the change, to do something different. The world doesn’t owe you anything. You have to create it.
The key to stop complaining, stop blaming or making excuses is to take personal responsibility for your life and as Jack Canfield advised learn to turn your complains to a request and take massive action. It is not an easy task to always caution yourself to stop complaining or blaming, but as with any habit it takes time to learn and unlearn.
It is not complaining to speak DIRECTLY and ONLY to the person who can resolve the issue
All the best in your quest to get better don’t settle: live with passion.